My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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