Too much gin, very little bucket
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Im part way to drunk.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
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