He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
