If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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