please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
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