All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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