Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
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