She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Randomize
