i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize
