why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
