Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
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