she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Randomize
