Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
