i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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