So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
