I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Couch. On fire.
Randomize
