I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Randomize
