the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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