New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
