God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Randomize
