I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
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