so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
