did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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