They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
