You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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