Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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