Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Randomize
