what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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