if you like me you must not know who I am
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
