did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
