well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
