she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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