yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
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