you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Just high enough for therapy.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
