i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
