Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Someone came in the potted fern
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
