dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
