we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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