I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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