i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize
