On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
