I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
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