There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
