My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
