That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
