you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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