Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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