he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Randomize
