i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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