My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
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