im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Randomize