You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Randomize
