how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
